WASHINGTON—Under the provisions of a bill approved by
Congress and signed into law Tuesday, every 25-year-old American, regardless
of prior life commitments, is now legally obligated to enroll in a full year
of study at one of the nation's accredited law schools.
"This new measure gives us the means to compel
25-year-olds to simultaneously placate their parents, impress their friends
with complex-sounding legal jargon, and effectively avoid any real-world
responsibilities for another full year," said Rep. Steve Buyer (R-IN).
"We can think of no better way for our young people to
squander their postcollegiate aimlessness."
Congress is reportedly seeking further legislation that
would provide for an additional nine months of grumbling over LSAT prep, and
up to five years of whining about paying off student loan debt.